What’s Your Profile Pic Say About You?
Ok, please note, I make no claim as to the accuracy of this list. I just decided to shoot my mouth off today. But, as a disclaimer, I did get an A+ in self-paced Psych in college and finished the course in three and a half weeks. So MAYBE I do know something … maybe
1. The boob shot – Women who post shot of themselves in low-slung necklines with a prominence given to their breasts make me think, “Well, we know what she wants us to focus on, and it ain’t her brains.”
2. A stack of books – Well, obviously I’m a writer, duh! Now, BUY MY BOOK! BUY MY BOOK! BUY MY BOOK! DAMN YOU! BUY MY BOOK!
3. The black and white mug shot – “Hi! I still haven’t discovered color photography yet!”
4. You peering out from behind a bush or a tree – I’m creepy!
5. A cat (real or stylized) – I love cats! You will love cats too! I’ll tweet/blog/facebook regularly about my cats! Yes, that’s cats – plural!
6. You posing with your dog – This is my dog. But, unlike that freaky person with the cat photo, I won’t bore you with tales about what my dog is up to, what he/she is eating, and clutter up the social network feed with endless ravings about him/her. This is my dog.
7. You posing on mountain top/scenic overlook – I’m cooler and more adventurous than you. You’re a loser!
8. Pic contains letter(s)/number(s) only – I’m a big brand and people will recognize me by this and only this.
9. Action photo – HEY! LOOK! Two hours later and I finally have a profile pic that makes me look cool!
10. Scene or character from Star Wars – For a guy: Yeah, I’m a geek. I don’t get laid. For a girl: Yeah, I do geeks! (The two of you just need to get together and make lots of little geeks! USE THE FORCE!)
11. Staged pose/studio pic – I gots me lots of money to blow and I want you to know it.
12. Tilted portrait with face at any angle other than 90 degrees – I took this myself while holding me cell phone at arm length on a whim. It shows I’m spontaneous!
13. Only half of your face or less is visible – Ooops! Stood too close to the camera. F@#K it! I’m too lazy to try again.
14. Pic of you at the bar with drink in hand – No ocifer *hick* I taint drink!
15. Pic of you screaming for no reason – I have issues; I just don’t know what they are. But I am pretty sure they have to do with anger.
16. You standing next to an animal not typically found in civilized society (i.e. a giraffe) – I’m exotic. Ok, not really, you got me! I was just at the zoo.
17. You at the beach – I really wish I was at the beach : (
18. Someone that isn’t you but looks really sexy – I have poor self-esteem and wished I looked like this. But you don’t know me so maybe you’ll believe this really is me!
19. You in a business suit – Pardon me. But do you have any Grey Poupon?
20. You posing with a firearm – OK! Just warning you! Try to rob me and you’re going to die. You’ve been warned.
21. You staring straight into the camera with big, puppy dog eyes – I’m cute. Love me. Please?
22. Women laying in lingerie on bed OR pic from the top of your breast line up, bare shouldered, designed to make it look like, perhaps, you’re really naked when you’re not – I’d like to think, somewhere, some guy is jerking off to my pic right now.